I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
