dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize