my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
