yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
