I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
