But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
