She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize