I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
