I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
