some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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