i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
