After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
