no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
