Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
