Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
