Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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