There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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