the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize