I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The best revenge is premature balding
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
