i may or may not be watching the land before time
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
