I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
