my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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