My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
