I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize