I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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