How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
