You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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