y did u give ur computer a hand job?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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