i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
