Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
