Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
