end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
