Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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