Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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