i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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