this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
