Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I will pee on everything he values.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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