Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
