then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
