I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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