You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
