mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
