There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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