At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
