you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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