chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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