remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
