I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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