i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
