Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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