I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want nice things and good sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
