Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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