I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
