you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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