i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize