either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
