You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
