You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
