Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
