i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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