an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
