those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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