Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just pee around me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
