I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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