I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
