Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
