I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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