I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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