New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Houston, we have a blender
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize