White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
