I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
