My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
