I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
